It's way past my bedtime, but I just have this *thing* I can't explain and I need to write. I've been doing really well with our recent direction change here (no longer pursuing Camp Hawaii with Jenny & Sully). I don't know if I'm having a weak moment or if the reality of this transition is sinking in at deeper levels, but it feels scary and wild and free all at once. I guess I could say it feels like I'm riding a bike without training wheels for the first time; just that feeling of sudden speed and freedom and being almost-but-not-quite out of control. And then realizing, "This is either going to end in a graceful stop or an ugly crash!"The future is so hidden right now. I don't need to know it all, but usually we have somewhat of a plan to refer to as we make decisions, you know. All I know right now is that we are going to Cali for a month very soon. When we return, we have just a few weeks left in our lease here in Kapaau. What then? I can't see deciding to move out of the area at that point as Alex and Mark would still be in school. I catch myself daydreaming and wondering about what it would be like to move to Waimea or Kona or even off of the island. I don't think I really mind if we stay and I don't mind if we go. It's great here and it could be great in other places as well.
Peter has spent hours on the phone with Albie lately, just talking about what's gone on here and what the future could look like. Of course Albie tells a lot of great stories, some that we've heard more times than we can count and a few that are new. We are so thankful for him and his investment in our lives. What an honor to be loved by the "Littlest Angel." Ha! And tomorrow Pastor Eric & Peggy are coming to see us, friends from the Mammoth area. They've been tracking with us since our days back at Father's Heart Ranch in the desert. I'm excited to hang out with them and can already anticipate the comfort of just being with people who are familiar to us, like a little piece of home right here in Hawaii.
I am so looking forward to seeing what God does with this whole situation and where He takes us next, I am wishing there was a fast forward button on our life just so I could take a sneak peek! I have a love/hate relationship with surprises. Gifts and surprises are great, but the anticipation of such a great unknown just about drives me crazy!
Well, I really do need to get to bed. Strangely I have been sleeping better for the past few nights than I have in a couple of months. My familiar struggle with insomnia returned at three months postpartum. But it really hasn't been an issue for the past 3-4 nights. I think it's the molasses I've been putting in my oatmeal. That's another story, but I'm not kidding!
3 comments:
Hey Jen, I know that feeling of uncertainty (we were there recently ourselves); not knowing if you are coming or going - where you will be 2 months from now. I am praying for you. God is faithful and all will become clear soon, I'm sure. BTW, who is Albie? I'm not sure if I've heard that name before. Hope the Molasses keeps working! :)
To quote a familiar cliche, "the only thing constant is change." :D Praying for you guys during this time of uncertainty.
Jaimie - Albie Pearson is a spiritual father of ours, a man in his mid-70's, a minister, a former Angel's baseball player known as "the Littlest Angel" because of his short stature. :) We started Father's Heart Ranch with him and his wife.
Post a Comment