I'm Ready!!!

As I had suspected, a little taste of a Mammoth winter, below freezing temps and a couple of months living with relatives has succeeded in giving me the boost I needed to feel REALLY READY to get on that plane! Nothing against our family at all! They have generously put up with our brood for a good month now. It doesn't matter who we stay with, two months of hopping around without a home to call our own has made me very eager to land at our new Hawaiian abode.

I cried my tears off and on for weeks, if not months, and haven't really cried since the day Peter drove away with the UHaul full of our things ready for shipment to Hawaii. Not to say that I won't shed a tear or two when the big day arrives, which will be here a week from tomorrow!!! I know this last week is going to FLY by at lightning speed. Today our dear friends the Helblings arrive from Sonora. We haven't seen them or their 3 kiddos for a year as they have been caring for orphans in Tanzania. Tomorrow our friend Josh Farmer arrives from Kansas City. I think it may have been 4 1/2 year ago that we last saw him! His wife, Amy, will arrive on the 1st with their little man and youngest of 4 little ones, Sam. I believe our friends Andy & Jaimee Langeland will arrive on the 30th. They are missionaries in the Ukraine and friends from our Orange County days, although I have known Andy since he was a wee lad in Redding. :) Finally, the Dells fly in on a red eye flight from Guam (with 3 boys in tow) on the 31st and will drive from SFO to Mammoth in time for the Watchmen concert on New Years Eve!

My parents and sister will also arrive on the 31st and stay until the 3rd. And did I mention that Peter's sister, Heather, and her family of 5 are also staying in the same house with us for 2 weeks??? They leave on the 3rd or 4th. It has been so great having them around and broke up our 5 weeks living here with Peter's parents nicely. Our boys have thoroughly enjoyed having their cousins around 24/7 while they are on Christmas vacation. Never a dull moment!

The last of our company leaves on Sunday the 4th and we have our going-away party at church that night. On Monday morning we will get up one last time in this house, pack up for good and get ready for our 4 pm flight from Mammoth to L.A.! I feel giddy at the very thought!!! We have flown to Hawaii with Aaron before, but he is a little older now and will be more aware of what's going on. I haven't flown with Alex since he was 4 months old, so I think the whole experience will be exciting for him. I look forward to the moments when I get to watch my firstborn experience Hawaii for the first time in his life!

Speaking of Alex, he is doing pretty good. He has been just a little more defiant, choosing to not listen to us, whining and getting emotional quickly, etc. In the car yesterday he was upset about something more than he normally would be and I asked him, "Hey Alex, I'm wondering if something else could be bothering you?" Without hesitation he said, "Yeah, I don't want to go to a new school!!! " Well, there we have it! At least he knew what was eating at him. He is anxious about starting out at a new school when he was so content at his school here in Mammoth. At least we know he's normal. :)

As for me, I am again employed by our business as the Inquiry Coordinator, handling all e-mail inquiries and helping people with reservations and rate info for our properties. In return I am not being paid, but Peter bought me a new MacBook and I am working in trade for that. I love my new computer and it will make it possible for me to easily Skype with friends and family after our move!

New Developments

Today was Alex's last day at Mammoth Elementary School. He came home happy about it being the last day and excited to not have anymore homework! I was relieved that he wasn't upset about it. He felt very special at his "aloha party" at school yesterday and said that all the kids were telling him good-bye today. He seemed to like that.

Another development from our day today is that we had an ultrasound and were unable to find out the gender of our baby. It was actually pretty cute--every time the technician tried to take a peek between the legs, the baby's knees would come together in an act of modesty. Ha ha! I had a feeling we weren't going to be able to find out, so I wasn't really disappointed. We still feel pretty sure this is our girl, but may have to wait another 22 weeks or so to find out for sure!

As far as our "stuff" goes, the shipping container should arrive in Kapa'au on Monday. We will then arrange to have a truck transport it to Jenny & Sully's property and put it on the ground (hopefully very carefully!). Our Landcruiser sets sail tomorrow, from what I understand, and will be waiting for us in Kawaihae (20 minutes from our new home) when we arrive. We are renting a car for the first couple of days so we have a way to get from the airport to our car and have a day or so to return the rental to Kona (an hour drive from Kapa'au).

One logistic we had yet to work out until today was how we would get our family to L.A. when it's time to catch our one-way flight. We have a hotel room booked for the 5th in L.A. so we can stay the night and be ready to go for our early morning departure on Tuesday the 6th. We had hoped to find someone to drive us to L.A., but then they would have to turn around and drive the 5 hours back again. We hadn't been able to work out a good solution for this issue.

Today we had our first guest (for our vacational rental business) fly from LAX to Mammoth, a new service our airport is offering. We reazlied (duh) that we could fly from Mammoth to LAX and save ourselves the 5 hours of driving with the kids. We also wouldn't have to find someone to drive us down south AND we'd be able to check in our bags at a nice, small airport instead of at LAX. So we did it; we forked out the $325.00 to take the 1-hour flight from Mammoth to L.A. I think this is going to make a nice start to our trip as it will be so easy to get to the airport here and we won't be worn out from the extra driving time.

So that's pretty much the udpate for now. We are looking forward to enjoying the kids' Christmas vacation. The San Diego cousins will arrive on Sunday and, I'm sure, provide plenty of entertainment for all!

No Turning Back

I can't even begin to say how exhausted I am. I was up the entire night last night. Okay, I MAYBE got 1-2 hours of sleep sometime between 2-4. Peter left at 5 a.m. with his dad and our friend Sean to drive the UHaul and our Landcruiser down to Long Beach, plus a 3rd vehicle to drive the other two guys home in (since the UHaul and the Landcruiser stayed down there). After arriving down in Long Beach around 11ish today, they spent 2 hours packing up our 2o' shipping container which waited on the trailer of a flatbed truck. I guess after they were done that container was taken and lifted onto the ship it will travel to Hawaii on. Our Landcruiser was then processed somewhere else and taken in for shipping. Which, of all things, that makes me the most sad right now. I miss my car. I got parts of it repainted and the whole thing buffed out a day before it left town, and I want to drive around in my shiny car! Instead it's sitting down at some dingy port waiting to begin it's ocean voyage all alone. Ha!

Anyway, today was a long day since Peter wasn't here to help with the boys and I was beyond tired. It really wasn't terrible, just long. Peter's mom and I ordered take-out from 3 different places for dinner tonight, ha ha! Neither of us felt like going to the store OR cooking for the clan, so we all ordered what we felt like eating and I ran around and picked it up. Good thing we live in a small town!

I should be asleep right now, but probably in 30-45 minutes Peter and his dad will arrive. I don't think I could fall asleep if I wanted to. The winds are crazy right now and I can't help but be a bit worried about them, especially knowing how exhausted they are and that they're at the tail end of a 19-hour traveling/moving day. None of those guys do well driving at night when they're tired. Hopefully they'll keep each other awake.

So yeah, our stuff is gone. I'll see it on the other side soon, as in about 25 days. I cried a bit after I heard Peter drive off in the UHaul early this morning and Peter's mom was crying today. The fact that our things and our car has gone on ahead of us means wow, we are really doing this and we have officially committed to the point of no turning back. This is the real deal.

I continue to grieve with Alex. I just so badly want to get that kid to Hawaii and show him how amazing it is and how much he's going to love it and all the new friends he's going to make. I want him to see that it really is going to be okay. Yesterday he was saying he wouldn't move there, he'd only visit. That's all I can ask of him right now. :) Geez, we moved here the day he turned 4 months old, this is the only way of life he knows. And he's very attached to that life and the people in it! He's such a sweetie. I hope the excitement over going on the airplane supersedes his sadness over leaving when the big day arrives. I just can't bear to see his little heart broken!

Well, as I always try to end on a lighter more positive note, I must say I am relieved to be done packing and having to figure out what is going to Hawaii and what isn't. I'm done. Oh, and we also don't have to think about all the shipping details either. Now we just follow the tracking info and watch for when it lands. I have a few things to sell on Ebay and everything else is going in our suitcases and going with us. So, work-wise, the hard part really is over. Now we have a little over three weeks of holidays and good-byes. I fear these last days may be the most difficult of all, even after months of planning and packing. No way around that.

I do have to say I am thankful for how the timing of everything has come together. We have been able to do this whole moving deal without having to work around snow and freezing temps. Now tonight, as the guys arrive back home having completed the moving mission, a storm is blowing in with REALLY COLD weather and, prayerfully, lots of snow!

Yeah, they're here!!!!

A Bittersweet Night

Tonight Peter & I attended our final Lighthouse leadership meeting, which took the form of a white elephant gift exchange. Following the exchange, Pastor Dave shared that the church's offer on a new building in town was accepted and we were all headed there to have cake and take a tour. He also talked about some events and guests who will be coming to the church in the next few months. The more I heard, the more my heart sunk deeper and deeper into my chest. Not that I wasn't excited for the church and the growth and all the new changes, but the reality of us not being there to enjoy it all and see it with our own eyes was setting in with a piercing finality.

I began to go down the "poor me, this isn't fair" road but had to quickly flip the page on that thought process. You know, this is just our life. Like it or not, the Lord seems to have called us to be forerunners in whatever we do and that means laboring to establish a new work and then passing the baton when it's going strong. When I think back over our last 11 years together, this is the 3rd time we have passed the baton. We started out in ministry at Safe Harbor Church and Peter launched the worship ministry literally the day after he graduated from college. He really built that part of the church from the ground up and it was hopping when our 3 years there came to an end and we were called on to our next project in the desert. But we made our closest, life-long friends during that season and a foundation was layed in our lives that we continue to be grateful for.

Our season at Father's Heart Ranch was grueling, a desert experience in more ways than one. I must say that we learned more and grew more during those 3 1/2 years than we ever have in any season, all through the school of hard knocks. And when it got so hard that our Board even gave us the freedom to walk away from the project, we knew we were supposed to stay and keep on keepin' on. God told me He was building up our "faith muscles" and that He did. Sometimes I still wonder how we came through a year of working without being paid, especially considering we adopted Mark during that time. I'll tell you how, day by day and miracle by miracle!

I remember Mark realizing our financial situation and praying before bed, "Dear God, please let there be $1,000.00 in our mailbox in the morning." Oh my. Ha! Oh how He loves the prayers of the little ones! Mark sat and waited for the mailman to drive up our dirt road the next day, fully expecting God to answer His prayer for provision. And He did. As a true testimony to God's amazing faithfulness to us, there was an envelope with $1,000.00 in it. No joke. I don't know why I was surprised, but I was definitely thankful that God answered Mark's prayer that day!

Oh, but that is all a bunny trail. Long story short, when that children's home was finally launched and we received our first children, we were allowed to remain there and enjoy the fruit of it for only a few short months before we knew our mission was complete. We passed the baton to a family who had the credentials to take the care facility further than we could, and they are still there doing just that. While they still call on Peter for consulting from time to time, we have little to do with that project anymore and take joy in the fruit of those children's lives only from a distance.

Thankfully, the doors flew open to us in Mammoth and there was no doubt this was our next stop. That was 5 years and 5 days ago. And now we have 30 days left. Not only has Peter once again built an amazing worship ministry at a church, but he has built a highly successful business! Just this past week he was talking to his former boss at the Town Finance Dept. and he told Peter that our business is the only one of it's kind that is GROWING right now! THAT is something to thank God for! Even in a time of economic recession, our business continues to be blessed. Wow.

But it's been hard here. For a long time I was the only mother with young children at the church and I often felt excluded as a result. There was no Sunday School or special program for my kids like there was when I was growing up. Not only that, but the only church service was (and is) at a time when my kids should have been at home in bed for the night. We tried many different solutions to this problem, none of which lasted for long. So to sit there tonight and hear about how a nursery is going to be built in the new building that will allow the mothers to attend with their children and still see and hear the service, I couldn't help but cry out of both frustration and relief. Finally a working solution seems to be on the horizon, a glimpse of long-awaited hope. The numerous young mothers who now attend the church will be able to benefit from that while we're off in Hawaii starting a whole new project from scratch. Yep, starting all over again. This time we won't even have a church, just a few like-spirited friends!

I do believe we have a lot to look forward to in Hawaii. Jenny & Sully have already been there for several years paving the way for what we are going to do together. Essentially we are going over there and starting 3 new businesses with very limited resources. This is when I am VERY thankful for the husband I have because I don't know many people who could take on a challenge like that and actually complete it well! I hope to be as much a part of everything he does there as possible, while I know the reality is that I will be pretty busy keeping our home and family going so that Peter can do what he is so good at doing. Ultimately, though, we have and will only accomplish that which God has blessed! The credit is all due to HIM, not us! We only have that which He has given us.

To tell the truth, what we feel called to do in Hawaii is beyond what either of us or the Sullivans can accomplish. Which is great because that means God HAS to show up! One thing I have learned through all we have done is that I don't want to live a life that is humanly possible. I don't want to live life protecting whatever it is we have been given over the years, although there is a responsibility to do that to an extent (obviously we have a family to care for and protect). I keep hearing stories about people who have lost their entire life savings or their retirement funds in the recent stock market dive. We just never know how long we will have the "stuff" we've come to find comfort in on this earth. Our lives are but a breath and each day is a gift. When our days are up on this earth, the "stuff" of this life won't matter anymore. Good thing, because we just exchanged most of our stuff for one-way plane tickets and a shipping container! Ha ha! Oh well...so we travel a little lighter now.


Well, anyway, this was a long one. But I make no apologies because this was what I needed tonight. I just needed to process, process, process. It's not my fault if you read it all. Ha ha! Our 30 days left here suddenly feel more like 30 seconds and the clock is ticking all too fast. It took all my strength to not have an emotional breakdown right there in the midst of our holiday party tonight. I knew if I let the tears start flowing, I wouldn't be able to turn them off again. But I let them out a little almost every night when I go to bed. Hopefully, by the time we set foot on the island, I will have cried my tears and will have nothing left to do but take pleasure in our new life there. I hope. :)

By the way, the photos I have included were all taken tonight. The first one was taken of our store-front window from outside. The second is Peter inside the new building. And the last is our leadership team just thanking God for the new place. We've come a LONG way in 5 years and I couldn't help but take a few photos so we don't forget it!

Homeless, Sweet Homeless

We had new family photos taken by a friend in Redding and I thought some of you might get a good laugh out of this pic of Aaron. It's sort of how I felt today heading back to Mammoth, haha! Here we are in the next stage of this moving process. We returned home today from a week in Redding where we enjoyed Thanksgiving with the Cannon side of the family AND an early Christmas. :) Now I am at my in-law's home listening to two different pendulum clocks tick off-beat to each other (hehe) along to the constant soft tunes playing in the background. There is a Christmas tree in every room and holiday decor from stem to stern. The kids love it! Alex is getting very excited for Christmas this year, it's really fun.

It feels so strange to be homeless now. I have to remind myself that we have a new home waiting for us in Hawaii, even if that is still somewhat temporary. Driving away from Redding for the last time in who-knows-how-long was also a strange feeling. I did pretty good, I didn't cry. The hardest thing, for me, was watching my brother and his family saying good-bye to our boys. Hopefully we will be able to come back to visit everyone in Redding next November or so with the new baby, but there are no guarantees. By then Aaron will no longer be the little snugly baby boy sucking his thumb. He will change the most, obviously. I tend to be too empathetic at times, finding myself feeling things as if I were the one experiencing a loss. So watching Cassie & Nathan snuggle with Aaron for the last time made me feel like I was the one saying good-bye to him and his babyhood. That part just sucks, there's no way around it and nothing I can do to change it. The silver lining here is that we will have a NEW baby to snuggle when we come back next time!

Alex has a very keen understanding of the process our family is going through right now and has been excellent with communicating his feelings as we take each step. He knew that living at Grandma & Grandpa Johnston's house was the last major change before actually moving to Hawaii. For a while he said he didn't want to do it, but today he took it all in stride and I think his excitement for Christmas coming soon is overshadowing his sadness over our upcoming move.

I feel like I have a lot of questions about how living with the in-laws is really going to work practically, but I'm sure things will work out. The boys go back to school in the morning and we will be back into that routine for a few weeks. I'm sure the time is going to fly by from here on out!

Holidays

I had to get up and blog tonight. I went to bed and looked at the stack of clothes sitting next to my suitcase. I started thinking about how we're leaving this condo next Monday morning and driving to Redding for Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving. I think the last holiday I had with my family, besides Mother's Day, was Thanksgiving 2006. It's been difficult to get up to Redding for holidays for most of our marriage because either we've lived too far away or our business has required our presence here during those busy times. I haven't had Christmas in Redding in, well, I can't even remember how many years.

Anyway, as I anticipate the next week in Redding I am finding myself thinking more about the end of the week when it's time to say good-bye than enjoying all the days we are going to be there. I hate good-byes and this will be the last time I will see my family for probably a year, with the exception of those who will make the expensive trip out to see us when the baby is born. Which will probably be my parents and that's it. So for my brother and his family, my grandparents and everyone else, hopefully I'll see ya in a year? :(

I've grown accustomed to living several hours away from "home" since it has now been over 13 years since I moved away. But I've never been more than a 10-hour drive away. Taking this next step to Hawaii where driving home is no longer an option is a tough one for me. It really is the greatest personal sacrifice for me in this move. How much of my family's lives am I going to have to miss out on being so far away? A lot, I fear. Definitely more than I would like. Hopefully we'll strike it rich and I will have the leisure of coming home more frequently...with 3 little ones? Oh fun. Ha! At least the baby will be a free flyer for a couple of years.

Anyway, I'm just writing and trying to process my sadness over this aspect of our "shift." I've talked to Jenny in Hawaii about how it's been for her living so far away from 2 of her 4 children, a few of her grandchildren and her mother and sister. She pretty much said "it sucks" and it's really hard to adjust to at first, but you get used to it after a while. Not that it ever gets easier, you just get used to having that bit of sadness in your life. Great.

Then there's the whole aspect of guilt I deal with. Each time I've had a new baby I've felt SO guilty for living far away from my family, preventing them from being a part of their daily lives while they're so young. I fear that the birth of this next child, especially since we're assuming it's our long-awaited girl, will bring this guilt on with brute force. Thankfully we have technology today that helps with these distances, such as Skype and e-mail and digital photography, but it's just not the same as being there in the flesh. Of course I get to have her with me, but I want to be able to share her!

Okay, there has to be a bright side to look at somewhere in all of this or I will fall deep into the pit of depression here. Well, thank God we are not living in the days of Abraham when he was told to "go" and left his family not even knowing where he was going and probably not having many communication options, if any. At least we know where we are going and, let's face it, there are a lot worse places God could have asked us to go! And hopefully the fact that we're living in paradise will help motivate our family and friends to come and visit us! :) Making this move is a big step in obedience and faith for us and we know that the Lord will be as faithful to us in honoring our decision and sacrifice as He has always been. He will take care of us and our life there will be amazing and our long-awaited dreams will be fulfilled. That doesn't sound so bad, now does it?

We got it!

Okay, so we got that house I mentioned earlier. Our friends in Hawaii checked it out and said it's nice, clean, and has a great yard. BUT, they also said the bedrooms were pretty small and the house felt a little like a double-wide mobile home as far as size and shape goes. We had received another e-mail from someone offering their 3/2 home to us as of January 1st and we were looking into that as another option. Then the owners of the 1st home let me know they changed their plane tickets to leave Hawaii from January 20th to January 5th so that it would be ready for us the day we arrive in North Kohala. Very sweet of them, albeit a little premature. :) We hadn't officially agreed to rent the home. But we are going to take it on a month-to-month basis so we're not married to it. And, since it is partially furnished, it will give us a comfortable place to land for a few months while we look for something more permanent and whatever furnishings we may need down the road.

So even though it came a bit unexpectedly, I think this is a good plan. We don't have to keep searching everyday for what rentals are out there and asking our friends to do a drive-by. We can rest in knowing we will have a place to settle into the day we get there and won't have to house search while also getting Alex into the swing of things with his new school.

Now we're back to figuring out our next challenge--buying our shipping container and getting that and our car on their way to Hawaii after Thanksgiving!

Could this be it???

Well, I just found an exciting e-mail in my inbox. A few weeks ago I had posted an ad on Hawaii's Craigslist.com. My title said:

$1350 Responsible Family of 4 Looking for a North Kohala Home (Kapaau/Hawi)

I honestly didn't think I posted the ad right because I couldn't even find it when I searching for it later. But I just received this response:

Aloha,

We will be moving to Texas on January 20th and need someone to live in our house for about 6 months or so. It is a nice 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath house in Halaula which is about 1 mile from Union Mill Rd.

It will be partially furnished with couch, kitchen table, fridge, stove, washing machine, one full size futon bed and dresser. There is a fenced backyard and it backs up to a macadamia nut farm.

Aloha,

Niko

This sounds so perfect, especially if they want to rent it to us for the $1350 price I put in my title! I can hardly wait for the response from her again. I told her we are SOOO interested! Who knows, we may end up being able to stay longer than 6 months or we may be ready to move onto Jenny & Sully's land by then.

So here are a couple photos and we'll see what happens!

House Hunting

So, with 57 days now left in our countdown, I am looking more seriously at what our housing options are going to be in Hawaii. I really like the idea of having a home pre-rented and ready to move into when we set foot on the island. But that means renting it somewhat blindly, perhaps having a friend over there check it out for us in advance. Part of me would prefer to walk through it myself before signing on the dotted line.

This brought us to our next idea, which is to find a vacation rental on VRBO.com and rent a furnished place for a month. This would allow us to have our own space and give us a few weeks to perform our house hunt in person, which the potential landlords we have spoken to so far seem to prefer. I stayed up until 12:30 a.m. last night going through the listings at VRBO.com and sending quote requests for the month of January. I have received three responses so far. 1) $3000/month for a 2-bedroom. 2) No vacancy. 3) $9500/month (after a 30% discount, believe it or not). Hmmm, so far this plan is not working well. We may be on to Plan C.

Right now Plan C is to spend a few days living in the converted school bus at Jenny & Sully's with Alex & Aaron while we house hunt. This is a more economical approach, for sure, but potentially more stressful for me. I know myself and I am going to be eager to nest. Being 5 months pregnant will only add to that. Our 1st priority when we arrive is going to be getting through the hoops required to get Alex in school by the following Monday. TB testing, paperwork, etc. I don't know if I will feel up to living in a bathroomless, kitchenless bus with my 2 little ones for 2-3 weeks at that point. I would prefer not to.

Back to Plan A. We do our best to secure a rental BEFORE we arrive! I think I will give it a couple more weeks and then start putting calls into the few property management companies I know of and see what they have available. This house hunting from across the ocean is a challenge, to say the least. But, I have to believe that "our house" is going to be ready and waiting for us and that the doors to it will be opened at just the right time.

I feel better already. See, now this is why blogging is great. Chances are no one will read this but me and 1 or 2 others. But it really is helping me process this transition and the potential stress involved. And if anyone wants to know the details of what we're thinking and feeling, here it is. :)

Retail Therapy

Yesterday my sweet hubby took the day off work to drive me up to Carson City for a b-day shopping trip. The only thing I really wanted to buy was a new set of dishes for Hawaii, since I recently got tired of my old set and my mom bought them from me. I've made a few shopping trips to Carson in the past and I've always left feeling like a giant ball of chaos. Either I don't have enough time to accomplish what I want, or I'm overwhelmed at the sudden opportunity to shop at seemingly countless stores and without children, or the crowd is too great and I feel frustrated, or I'm not able to find what I'm looking for.

But this shopping trip was different. I could tell it was my birthday because it was a great day. Peter & I shopped at 5 different stores for dishes and ended up both selecting the same set at World Market. Score. We went in another store and bought the 3 biggest suitcases we could find for our move to Hawaii. Mine is silver and has blingy wheels, making it easy to find at the baggage terminal. Score. (haha) I went to Ross to return 3 sweatshirts for Mark and decided to take a peek at the maternity rack. Surprisingly I ended up in the dressing room with 16 items to try on. ALL of them fit (there's a birthday miracle right there). And I bought all of them, only paying $30 after my sweatshirt return. Gotta love Ross! Score. The only bummer was that I didn't have time to go to Target, but I probably ended up saving money I didn't have left to spend anyway. Score.

On the drive home, I noticed that I felt happy. This shouldn't be unusual, but it was definitely in contrast to how I had been feeling since the election results. I had also been feeling very nervous about our big move for some time. Little did I know a little retail therapy was all I needed to snap out of it! I told Peter in the car, "I think I am getting excited about moving to Hawaii now!" I am looking forward to having people over, people I have not yet met in a house I have not yet seen, and having dinner at the table we do not yet own with my pretty new dishes. I am looking forward to meeting the challenge of packing our 3 ginormous suitcases (one for me, one for Peter, one for Alex & Aaron to share) in just a matter of days and living out of them for several weeks. Then finally flying with those few possessions to Hawaii where, hopefully, we will meet up with our shipping container and unpack into our new home.

I haven't felt excited about this move for a while now, and I've felt almost guilty about it. It is so clearly God's next step for our family, I have no doubt about that, I should be thrilled! But I could only focus on the great cost (financially and relationally) of making this move and the stress and sadness of it all. But I'm getting there. My heart is catching up with our decision to go for it. I would say I'm still soberly aware of the costs and that does put a damper on my excitement level, but I'm getting there. And if I start to slip into the pit of despair again, PLEASE someone take me to the mall!

I'm in a Blue State

Well, considering the election results tonight, I am somewhat speechless. I actually sobbed (yes, SOBBED) when the announcement was made. That surprised me. In some ways this feels like a death. My birthday is tomorrow and I really was thinking it would be a celebration in more ways than one. Yeah, this is a huge disappointment. No two ways about it.

I don't really know what today's vote will mean for the future of our country or for the future of my own family. This is the only encouragement I have to hold onto right now: ...for no authority exists except by God's permission. The existing authorities have been established by God, so that whoever resists the authorities opposes what God has established, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For the authorities are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you like to live without being afraid of the authorities? Then do what is right, and you will receive their approval. For they are God's servants working for your good. That's God Word. That's what HE says about this election. So I can accept that.

It is interesting to me that Obama was born and raised in Hawaii. California is a blue state and so is Hawaii. We are for sure a red family, despite how blue we feel tonight. So we will be a minority in more ways than one. At least Obama is and will be pro-Hawaii.

God bless America and especially Hawaii. :)

Ship It or Start Over???

As I've been doing my research for this move, I've been shocked at how expensive it is to move our belongings across the ocean! And having talked to Jenny & Sully about it, they say the cost has nearly doubled since they made the move six years ago. Dang. So far, here's what we have:

Cost of buying 20' container: $1700
Cost of shipping container: $4300
Cost of delivering container: ???
Cost of UHaul to deliver our things to the container in LA: ???
Cost of shipping our car: $1000
Cost of our plane tickets: $1900

So, with two expenses yet unknown, already we're at almost $9000! After seeing this we've decided to try to sell our Landcruiser. If it doesn't sell, we'll go ahead and ship it over. I'm told we can sell it for more money in Hawaii than we can sell it for here, so we could possibly make the $1000 back. I came to the point of wanting to have one final moving sale, make as much money off of our stuff as we can, ship a few boxes of irreplaceable items over via USPS, and take only what we could fit in our suitcases! Peter talked me out of it, though.

For one, I don't think we have enough time to go through all of our boxes again and figure out what to sell, what to mail over and what to get rid of. I've done that process once already. For two, it would really be a pain to have to shop for and replace EVERYTHING we own. Considering we'll be having a baby a few months after we land in Hawaii, I just don't want to have to deal with hunting down all that baby gear, kitchen & household stuff, etc. The idea of buying all new things is fun in a way, but another part of me likes the idea of having some sense of familiarity in our home while everything else in our life will be different. That's enough change for me.

Basically we're paying again for everything we own just in the cost of shipping it over. Oh well. At least we can write it off as a moving expense. :)

Our Hawaiian Adventure Begins Here

We are now at T-67 days. As in a mere 67 days left to live on the mainland. Sounds like a death sentence? Sometimes it feels like one. And in many ways it is a death. A death to life as we know it and have always known it, especially for our kids. A death to seasons (yes, as in winter, spring, summer and fall). A death to being able to drive 6-7 hours and see any friend or relative within the state of California. But if I focus on this side of our transition for too long, I can easily be overcome by the grief of it all. I've come to the realization that we cannot fully live the life that has been set before us if we keep one foot in the past, constantly lamenting "the way things used to be." While I am prone to do so, I know that for my own good and the good of our family, I must take that foot and take a step across the ocean into our new life with a big fat smile on my face.

Some watch us in awe wishing they, too, were moving to a Hawaiian paradise. For many it has been a dream and will always remain one. This has never been my dream. At least not until November of 2007 when I literally began having dreams that we were moving to Hawaii. I actually had two dreams in which we were making a move to Hawaii and the move was so fast that we had not had time to pack. Needless to say, I was freaking out! Then I had a third dream in which I was talking to our Hawaiian friend, Kawika, and telling him about my previous two moving-to-Hawaii dreams. I asked him what they meant and, though his mouth did not move in true dream fashion, I heard him say, "It's time to get ready." I woke up in a start and also awakened my husband and told him I really believed we were going to move to Hawaii! After ten years of marriage he had come to realize that God seems to speak to me first when our family is about to make a major move. So he listened to my dreams with interest but put them on the shelf, as did I.

In April of this year we were introduced to Jenny & Sully Sullivan on the Big Island by a mutual friend. We learned that they owned 30 acres of land and a special use permit to build a camp on their property. They had been in the process of starting this camp in partnership with Alliance Redwoods in California, however funding fell out for the project and the Sullivans were left wondering what to do next. We began getting to know one another via Skype and quickly sensed a connection with them that we felt was from the Lord. Peter shared with them his vision for a camp-like training center for Christian musicians and their hearts leapt! This was much more along the lines of what they had dreamed of than what they had been pursuing with Alliance Redwoods.

But Peter was not yet convinced that a move to Hawaii was in our future. So, while up in Redding at a pastor's conference, we prayed for God to confirm it one evening as we headed to a dinner with other pastors. We sat down next to a man we had never met. When we asked where he was from, his first words to us were, "Well, I just moved to Desert Hot Springs but I used to live in Hawaii...would you like to take my place?" WOAH! We just started laughing! Not only did this man now live in the small town we lived in for 3 1/2 years, but he was also asking us to take his place in Hawaii! Later we also learned he had a 16-year-old adopted child from a schizophrenic mother, just as we do, and that her name was ILIMA! This is the Hawaiian spelling of the name we have had for our future daughter since 1999, Alyma. As it turns out, Ilima is the name of the flower used to create leis for Hawaiian royalty! When Peter heard this, he had heard enough. It was clear God had put this man in our path to confirm our future move to Hawaii. The very name we had chosen for our daughter was the name of a Hawaiian flower! And, as we know now, she will soon be born in Hawaii!

In August of this year we made the journey to the Sullivan's land for 11 days. I must admit that for the first half of that stay I was in shock. I knew we were going to move there before we even visited, and to be there in person and imagine my life being there was hard to take in! It's beautiful, the weather is great, the people are amazing, what's not to love??? I know we're going to love it, but adjusting to the culture shock is going to take some time! The north tip of Hawaii is a rural hippy zone (in my opinion). Very small-townish. After a visit to the free community pool I felt like I had time warped about 30 years back! The paint, the smells, the fixtures, everything...it was just like visiting the pool I used to go to as a small child! It was hard to believe I could possibly still be in America. There were foods I had never heard of before let alone tried, there were police officers who drove their own personal vehicles with a light on top (I'll have to get used to that one quick!), I often heard a language spoken that I did not understand, and I was a minority just about everywhere I went! I learned quickly that I cannot move to that area thinking I am moving to another piece of America; this really is a whole new world.

During our time in Hawaii we officially made the decision to move there in May or June of 2009. I told Peter and the Sullivans that I was feeling like we would move after the 1st of the year because of a dream I had had in which I was writing our 2008 Christmas letter telling everyone we were about to move. But January of 2009 just didn't seem possible or practical. It fell in the middle of the school year for the kids. We had a lease on our condo until May of 2009 and Peter also had a contract with our church through May of 2009. But, as God has a way of doing, the doors for us quickly closed upon our return to Mammoth. Peter's contract was changed, due to a lack of church resources to pay him, and set to end December 1st. A new tenant was interested in our home and took over the lease as of October 15th. So, really we were left with no choice but to buy one-way plane tickets to Hawaii and we are set to leave on January 6th of 2009.

So, having been there and knowing what I'm getting myself into, I sway from moments of pure excitement to longer moments of intense grief. When Alex cries in sadness over leaving his dear cousins and flying so far away to our new home and new school, I can't help but cry with him. It breaks my heart! I know he's going to love it there. He'll be able to play outside nearly 365 days a year without the threat of snow or cold weather keeping him indoors. And, HELLO, the beach! What 5-year-old boy doesn't love THAT? He's such a friendly guy, I know he's going to easily make new friends...even if he is the only albino boy in his class. :) Peter & I have felt that having him at Mammoth Elementary this year (which has a large Hispanic contingency) has been great preparation for going to school with a class full of Hawaiians.

There are many questions left unanswered and daily I am trying to work out the kinks in every last detail of this move. Where we will live? How will we ship our things across the ocean? Do we ship our car or sell it? So much to think about and so little time! It is clear that we are about to embark on yet another forerunning adventure. Our life is far from dull and we will definitely have great stories for the grandkids someday. It's hard to imagine what emotions I will experience as I sit down on that plane with my family in 67 days. I'm sure it will be intense and surreal all at once. In many ways I'm already on the plane and there's no stopping it now. Take-off is inevitable and our destination is North Kohala.