Sadness With A Side of Hope

Ya know, I am just really sad right now. Mark was upstairs with me earlier and just paced back and forth beside the couch I'm sitting on telling me point blank, "I don't like you." over and over again. What do you do when your child tells you that? What do you say? "I don't like you either?" That's what I feel like saying when he says that. Instead I say things like, "I'm sorry you don't like me, Mark." or "I love you, anyway." Inside, I'm going off! I'm holding him by the shirt collar (if he was wearing a collar) saying, "Don't you even wonder where you might be if we had never adopted you? Aren't you even a bit thankful that we took you out of that group home and brought you home with us, got a special room prepared for you and put you in the best school we could find? We've done everything we could possibly think of to help you and show you we love you and what do we get in return? Ungratefulness. Complaining. False accusations. Hate. Will you one day wake up and realize the sacrifices we've made for you? We didn't adopt you for the Brownie points or a pat on the back, but a little gratitude would be nice someday. Instead, you don't like me. I try to help you and you say I'm harassing you and you're going to call the police. This is not what I had hoped for 9 years ago when we grafted you into our family. What I see now makes me feel ill because it is so sad and feels so hopeless. But I do have hope because I believe in God and I believe nothing is impossible with Him. I believe in miracles. I know that there is no situation too big and no heart too hard for God to penetrate and shine His light. And that is all I have to hold onto, Mark. I am scared for your future, but I release you into God's hands and know He can take better care of you than I can. I pray that someday your eyes will be opened and your heart will be healed and you'll be able to love and to feel emotion and to let people into your life. There are a lot of people who love and care about you and we aren't giving up on you."