The Shrink's Couch

I haven't blogged in a while because I have so little time for such things anymore. If anyone saw the condition of my house right now, they would see why. But my kids are fed and some of them are even clothed and most are happy. So I give myself a pat on the back for the things I DO accomplish which are, hopefully, the most important things.

I just went downstairs with Alyma and plopped myself down in the recliner hoping to vent to Peter. Unfortunately he's "at work" right now and not able to hear all that I would like to say. He did listen as long as he could, at least until the phone required his attention. I feel like I need some time on a shrink's couch with a large box of Kleenex.

So, I turn to blogging-while-nursing instead. (Is there ever a time in a mother's day when multi-tasking is NOT required???) Here comes my brain dump. I'm frustrated with my teenage son who finds strange pleasure in pretending he doesn't hear me when asked to do something or, if he does acknowledge hearing me, simply refuses to budge. It doesn't matter if it's a minor request or a major one, he just doesn't see the need to do what he's asked to do. He's "not into that whole subordination thing", to use his words.

Today it was a minor request while at the public health nurse's office for his TB test. "Mark, please go back into the restroom with that paper towel you have stuck to your face or wait in the car until that newly popped zit stops bleeding." "Mom, I didn't pop a zit. I have a cut on my face." "Oh really, so you just went into the bathroom and got a cut on your face, huh?" "Yes, I got a cut on my face. I didn't pop a zit." "Whatever, just please come back when you don't have paper towel hanging from your face."

No movement. I ask 5 more times. Nothing. People are staring. I'm embarrassed. He doesn't care. We get the TB test and walk outside. "Mark, please come here." He keeps walking. "Mark, I know you heard me, you're standing right next to me." "Huh? What? Huh?" Keeps walking.

Is this what happens when you take over raising a child who was partially raised (in the most formative years) by a mentally-challenged mother? Or is this just plain teenagerness?

I want to buy the boys a bunk bed so Alyma can use her crib. I found the perfect one on Craigslist today, including mattresses, for $500. I want one with a queen bed on the bottom so that we don't have any kiddos falling off the top onto our hard floor and breaking bones. Better to land on a mattress and bounce than the wood floor and, well, not bounce. This bed I found has a full on the top and a queen on the bottom. We could use it for guests to sleep on and I could move Aaron out of his crib so Alyma could finally use her pretty crib set. But we don't have the money. Unless I want to dip into our meager travel savings.

Which leads me to my next tangent. As of now, we stand to lose $2200.00/month of income beginning in January. Our plan is to take the entire family to California for Christmas and we have about half of the money for airfare saved up so far. The rental car situation is another story and something we yet to have an answer for. I can't imagine NOT going to California for Christmas. Alex's already-broken heart would be crushed if he could not be with his cousins and see his grandparents and other loved ones after being away for a whole year. I don't even want to think about Christmas morning in Hawaii with warm weather and no family around. Maybe someday we will enjoy this, but I'm not quite there yet.

How can we justify spending so much money to go to California when we will turn around and possibly not have enough money to pay our rent? I seems like a lose-lose situation. Either we stay here and be sad or we go and be broke. I'm leaning towards broke at the moment. Of course, to show some sign of faith, God has always been faithful to provide for our family even when it didn't seem possible. So I must confess that I do trust Him, even with these difficult issues, and know that He has a plan. Somehow I am still stuck worrying about tomorrow.

Matthew 6:25-34

25 "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not. 28 "And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! 31 "So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. 32 Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, 33 and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. 34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."