A Bittersweet Night

Tonight Peter & I attended our final Lighthouse leadership meeting, which took the form of a white elephant gift exchange. Following the exchange, Pastor Dave shared that the church's offer on a new building in town was accepted and we were all headed there to have cake and take a tour. He also talked about some events and guests who will be coming to the church in the next few months. The more I heard, the more my heart sunk deeper and deeper into my chest. Not that I wasn't excited for the church and the growth and all the new changes, but the reality of us not being there to enjoy it all and see it with our own eyes was setting in with a piercing finality.

I began to go down the "poor me, this isn't fair" road but had to quickly flip the page on that thought process. You know, this is just our life. Like it or not, the Lord seems to have called us to be forerunners in whatever we do and that means laboring to establish a new work and then passing the baton when it's going strong. When I think back over our last 11 years together, this is the 3rd time we have passed the baton. We started out in ministry at Safe Harbor Church and Peter launched the worship ministry literally the day after he graduated from college. He really built that part of the church from the ground up and it was hopping when our 3 years there came to an end and we were called on to our next project in the desert. But we made our closest, life-long friends during that season and a foundation was layed in our lives that we continue to be grateful for.

Our season at Father's Heart Ranch was grueling, a desert experience in more ways than one. I must say that we learned more and grew more during those 3 1/2 years than we ever have in any season, all through the school of hard knocks. And when it got so hard that our Board even gave us the freedom to walk away from the project, we knew we were supposed to stay and keep on keepin' on. God told me He was building up our "faith muscles" and that He did. Sometimes I still wonder how we came through a year of working without being paid, especially considering we adopted Mark during that time. I'll tell you how, day by day and miracle by miracle!

I remember Mark realizing our financial situation and praying before bed, "Dear God, please let there be $1,000.00 in our mailbox in the morning." Oh my. Ha! Oh how He loves the prayers of the little ones! Mark sat and waited for the mailman to drive up our dirt road the next day, fully expecting God to answer His prayer for provision. And He did. As a true testimony to God's amazing faithfulness to us, there was an envelope with $1,000.00 in it. No joke. I don't know why I was surprised, but I was definitely thankful that God answered Mark's prayer that day!

Oh, but that is all a bunny trail. Long story short, when that children's home was finally launched and we received our first children, we were allowed to remain there and enjoy the fruit of it for only a few short months before we knew our mission was complete. We passed the baton to a family who had the credentials to take the care facility further than we could, and they are still there doing just that. While they still call on Peter for consulting from time to time, we have little to do with that project anymore and take joy in the fruit of those children's lives only from a distance.

Thankfully, the doors flew open to us in Mammoth and there was no doubt this was our next stop. That was 5 years and 5 days ago. And now we have 30 days left. Not only has Peter once again built an amazing worship ministry at a church, but he has built a highly successful business! Just this past week he was talking to his former boss at the Town Finance Dept. and he told Peter that our business is the only one of it's kind that is GROWING right now! THAT is something to thank God for! Even in a time of economic recession, our business continues to be blessed. Wow.

But it's been hard here. For a long time I was the only mother with young children at the church and I often felt excluded as a result. There was no Sunday School or special program for my kids like there was when I was growing up. Not only that, but the only church service was (and is) at a time when my kids should have been at home in bed for the night. We tried many different solutions to this problem, none of which lasted for long. So to sit there tonight and hear about how a nursery is going to be built in the new building that will allow the mothers to attend with their children and still see and hear the service, I couldn't help but cry out of both frustration and relief. Finally a working solution seems to be on the horizon, a glimpse of long-awaited hope. The numerous young mothers who now attend the church will be able to benefit from that while we're off in Hawaii starting a whole new project from scratch. Yep, starting all over again. This time we won't even have a church, just a few like-spirited friends!

I do believe we have a lot to look forward to in Hawaii. Jenny & Sully have already been there for several years paving the way for what we are going to do together. Essentially we are going over there and starting 3 new businesses with very limited resources. This is when I am VERY thankful for the husband I have because I don't know many people who could take on a challenge like that and actually complete it well! I hope to be as much a part of everything he does there as possible, while I know the reality is that I will be pretty busy keeping our home and family going so that Peter can do what he is so good at doing. Ultimately, though, we have and will only accomplish that which God has blessed! The credit is all due to HIM, not us! We only have that which He has given us.

To tell the truth, what we feel called to do in Hawaii is beyond what either of us or the Sullivans can accomplish. Which is great because that means God HAS to show up! One thing I have learned through all we have done is that I don't want to live a life that is humanly possible. I don't want to live life protecting whatever it is we have been given over the years, although there is a responsibility to do that to an extent (obviously we have a family to care for and protect). I keep hearing stories about people who have lost their entire life savings or their retirement funds in the recent stock market dive. We just never know how long we will have the "stuff" we've come to find comfort in on this earth. Our lives are but a breath and each day is a gift. When our days are up on this earth, the "stuff" of this life won't matter anymore. Good thing, because we just exchanged most of our stuff for one-way plane tickets and a shipping container! Ha ha! Oh well...so we travel a little lighter now.


Well, anyway, this was a long one. But I make no apologies because this was what I needed tonight. I just needed to process, process, process. It's not my fault if you read it all. Ha ha! Our 30 days left here suddenly feel more like 30 seconds and the clock is ticking all too fast. It took all my strength to not have an emotional breakdown right there in the midst of our holiday party tonight. I knew if I let the tears start flowing, I wouldn't be able to turn them off again. But I let them out a little almost every night when I go to bed. Hopefully, by the time we set foot on the island, I will have cried my tears and will have nothing left to do but take pleasure in our new life there. I hope. :)

By the way, the photos I have included were all taken tonight. The first one was taken of our store-front window from outside. The second is Peter inside the new building. And the last is our leadership team just thanking God for the new place. We've come a LONG way in 5 years and I couldn't help but take a few photos so we don't forget it!