Holidays

I had to get up and blog tonight. I went to bed and looked at the stack of clothes sitting next to my suitcase. I started thinking about how we're leaving this condo next Monday morning and driving to Redding for Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving. I think the last holiday I had with my family, besides Mother's Day, was Thanksgiving 2006. It's been difficult to get up to Redding for holidays for most of our marriage because either we've lived too far away or our business has required our presence here during those busy times. I haven't had Christmas in Redding in, well, I can't even remember how many years.

Anyway, as I anticipate the next week in Redding I am finding myself thinking more about the end of the week when it's time to say good-bye than enjoying all the days we are going to be there. I hate good-byes and this will be the last time I will see my family for probably a year, with the exception of those who will make the expensive trip out to see us when the baby is born. Which will probably be my parents and that's it. So for my brother and his family, my grandparents and everyone else, hopefully I'll see ya in a year? :(

I've grown accustomed to living several hours away from "home" since it has now been over 13 years since I moved away. But I've never been more than a 10-hour drive away. Taking this next step to Hawaii where driving home is no longer an option is a tough one for me. It really is the greatest personal sacrifice for me in this move. How much of my family's lives am I going to have to miss out on being so far away? A lot, I fear. Definitely more than I would like. Hopefully we'll strike it rich and I will have the leisure of coming home more frequently...with 3 little ones? Oh fun. Ha! At least the baby will be a free flyer for a couple of years.

Anyway, I'm just writing and trying to process my sadness over this aspect of our "shift." I've talked to Jenny in Hawaii about how it's been for her living so far away from 2 of her 4 children, a few of her grandchildren and her mother and sister. She pretty much said "it sucks" and it's really hard to adjust to at first, but you get used to it after a while. Not that it ever gets easier, you just get used to having that bit of sadness in your life. Great.

Then there's the whole aspect of guilt I deal with. Each time I've had a new baby I've felt SO guilty for living far away from my family, preventing them from being a part of their daily lives while they're so young. I fear that the birth of this next child, especially since we're assuming it's our long-awaited girl, will bring this guilt on with brute force. Thankfully we have technology today that helps with these distances, such as Skype and e-mail and digital photography, but it's just not the same as being there in the flesh. Of course I get to have her with me, but I want to be able to share her!

Okay, there has to be a bright side to look at somewhere in all of this or I will fall deep into the pit of depression here. Well, thank God we are not living in the days of Abraham when he was told to "go" and left his family not even knowing where he was going and probably not having many communication options, if any. At least we know where we are going and, let's face it, there are a lot worse places God could have asked us to go! And hopefully the fact that we're living in paradise will help motivate our family and friends to come and visit us! :) Making this move is a big step in obedience and faith for us and we know that the Lord will be as faithful to us in honoring our decision and sacrifice as He has always been. He will take care of us and our life there will be amazing and our long-awaited dreams will be fulfilled. That doesn't sound so bad, now does it?